


Mythbusters 2:  Hulk versus Mythbusters!

by s_alt



Series: Avengers and Mythbusters Take on the World [2]
Category: MythBusters RPF, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Prompt Fic, Why is Hawkeye in this story?, maybe more than fluff, this is turning into a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-26
Updated: 2012-08-26
Packaged: 2017-11-12 23:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/496799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_alt/pseuds/s_alt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Did someone tell the Hulk he could have our fighter plane?” a voice asked loudly.  In the background, the Hulk growled his disapproval, and Adam could hear Tony trying to explain around stomps and snarls.  There was a terrible screech of metal giving way, then shouts and a couple of startled cries.</em>
</p><p>In which Jamie and Adam film a Mythbusters episode, taking on the idea that Hulk is the strongest there is!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mythbusters 2:  Hulk versus Mythbusters!

**Author's Note:**

> Back by popular demand - 
> 
> This is a second story written for [this prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/6565.html?thread=10613157#t10613157) at avengerskink on LJ:
> 
>  _Tony Stark and Dr. Bruce Banner (with assistance from the Other Guy) guest star on Mythbusters!_. 
> 
> I had a couple of lovely beta readers on this: [Valdemort](http://archiveofourown.org/users/valdemort) and [SlowEvolution](http://archiveofourown.org/users/valdemort). Thank you both, and apologies for the sheer amount of silly.

The entire Mythbusters team, from the camera workers to the executive producer - even the caterer - heard Adam squeal, then burst into excited laughter. “Yes!” he exclaimed, voice carrying as he fist-pumped the air. “See? I knew it! I _knew_ it!”

Inside the office, Bruce winced, and Tony’s expression hardened. “What part of ‘keep this to yourselves’ did you not understand, red? _Keep it down_.”

Adam clamped a hand over his mouth, but was still dancing with excitement as he looked Bruce over. Jamie, too, had his eyes fixed on the man, studying him intently.

Bruce glowered at Tony, who kept himself busy opening the champagne. “I told you they’d stare.”

Tony shrugged as the cork popped. “You also said Adam would have to poke you the moment he - ah, there he goes.” And sure enough, Adam, seemingly oblivious to anything else in the room, had reached forward to poke Bruce’s chest, squeeze his arms. 

Bruce sighed heavily, but Tony’s eyes glittered. He winked, pouring two glasses, passing one over Adam’s head into Bruce’s open hand. 

“Guess that means you win the bet,” Tony noted, and Bruce nodded solemnly before pulling away from one of Adam’s fingers poking his shoulder. Tony hastily poured two more glasses and pushed one into Adam’s hand, dexterously placing himself between Bruce and the others. Jamie took the remaining flute politely.

Tony raised his glass in toast, and the others followed suit - Adam with gusto, Jamie and Bruce with some reservation. “First, to the Big Guy, who’s bringing us all together.”

They all took a drink, then Adam raised his glass again. “Second, to Bruce, who...yeah. Wow. _Too_ awesome.” Tony laughed, and he and Adam each had a gulp in the toast’s honor.

Jamie and Bruce raised their glasses as one; Bruce graciously motioned for Jamie to go first. “And for all the Stark and...uh...other deadly agents who probably already have crazy-ass weaponry aimed our direction in case we try something stupid, like _poking the Hulk_ -” He looked pointedly at Adam before continuing, “- we promise to keep our mouths shut, and we’re really pretty good at not getting people hurt, so please just don’t shoot us while we’re doing the show. Or, you know, _ever_.”

Some of the color drained out of Adam’s face when a couple of heavily-armed figures leaned out of the shadows in the rafters, nodding and saluting Jamie’s direction. “Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Bruce added, unable to keep from smirking. Adam’s hand dropped back to his side quickly, and Bruce chuckled, downing his champagne in one long gulp and smiling for the first time since they’d arrived. 

“So,” Bruce said, tucking hands into his pants pockets, looking up at Jamie and Adam with the slightest wickedness in his grin, eyes edged with green. “Now that you’re aware of the circumstances...I think the Other Guy’s done waiting.” 

Jamie was at the door before Bruce had finished speaking, opening it, motioning Bruce through first. “Please. After you.”

*****

“We’re what you call superheroes,” Iron Man said directly into the camera, “So - don’t try anything you see us doing at home.”

“Ever!” Jamie and Adam shouted as one from their spot about three feet back, leaning against a great green wall of muscle. It shifted and moved out of shot, and the Mythbusters went tumbling.

Adam laughed and rolled over on his back, taking the hand Tony offered. “That was perfect! Did it look as good as it felt?” A thumbs-up from the camera crew made him giggle and pump the air. 

“HULK BORED,” that great green mass said as he scooped up Jamie gently, put him back on his feet. 

Jamie patted the hand as it released him. “It’s a fact. Shooting can be dull.”

Hulk glowered in response. “WHY HULK HAVE BORING SHOOT?” He curled a giant hand into a fist, slammed it into his other open hand, accidentally blowing over one of the camera crew. “HULK COME TO SMASH!” He looked around, eyeing one of the crew vans hopefully.

Iron Man lifted, landing with a clank between Hulk and the van. “Need to blow off some steam, Big Guy?” He hitched a thumb over one shoulder. “Adam’s got a decommissioned fighter plane back there we could use for target practice while they set up the next shot...”

Adam’s eyes flew wide. “Hey! It took four months and about a thousand signatures to -”

Iron Man continued as if Adam hadn’t spoken. “Or, we could stay here, toss a van or two around. See how high you can throw...”

“Jet’s all yours,” Jamie intervened, not bothering to look up from the chains he was attaching to the back of a large armored vehicle. 

“Perfect. Call us when you’re ready.” Iron Man shot into the sky. “Follow me, Big Guy.” 

Hulk stomped both feet into the ground, leaving craters and shaking equipment, and then he too launched up and away.

Jamie glanced up at Adam, who was shaking his head, squinting as he watched them disappear. “This was your idea,” he murmured, moustache barely moving. 

“My _brilliant_ idea,” Adam shot back, picking up the other chain and pulling it over to the next vehicle. But he still winced at the roar erupting from the flight hangar, couldn’t help but groan as his two-way crackled to life. 

“Did someone tell the Hulk he could have our fighter plane?” a voice asked loudly. In the background, the Hulk growled his disapproval, and Adam could hear Tony trying to explain around stomps and snarls. There was a terrible screech of metal giving way, then shouts and a couple of startled cries.

“Give it to him, give it to him!” Adam yelled into his radio, ignoring the chuckles coming from Jamie’s direction. They both heard a tremendous crunch - through the radio and in the air - and noticed at the same time the shadow that appeared above them, blocking out the afternoon glare. 

“To the left, Big Guy - no, _your_ left!” Tony’s voice carried through the suit’s loudspeakers, and crew went scrambling even as the shadow shifted south. The Hulk landed a hundred feet or so away with a earth-shattering crunch, holding the fighter jet above his head before he lowered it, delicately, to the ground.

“BROUGHT PLANE HERE,” Hulk explained as Tony landed next to Adam, patting the man’s shoulder gently, sympathetically, when Adam groaned and covered his eyes with his free hand. “MORE SMASHING, LESS YELLING.” He smiled, obviously proud of the decision, patting the airplane like a pet.

Jamie actually laughed out loud.

*****

Two hours and one completely crunched-up fighter plane later, the crew had their shot set. Their giant green co-star had given up on the plane twenty minutes ago, and his pacing had left several new potholes on the concrete surface. 

“It’s not like I can tell him to stop,” Tony argued, facing a somewhat red-faced Jamie. “He’s not much of one for orders.”

“HULK DO WHAT HULK WANTS!” the answer came, and though it was a from a distance, the sound was nearly deafening. Adam and Tony both cringed, but Jamie seemed unfazed, waiting for the echoes to die before he spoke.

“Hulk,” he said quietly, but obviously audible enough. The creature’s gaze turned Jamie’s direction, body pausing mid-motion. Jamie motioned to the two vehicles a few feet behind him, the chains that locked them together. “Ready to prove something to the cameras?”

Hulk’s eyes rolled away from Jamie, around at the crew, from his position in the distance. Where his eyes settled, bodies curled instinctively, and his voice was still loud enough to hurt ears. “DESTROY PUNY MACHINES?”

Jamie grinned, barely visible under that moustache. “No - destroy the puny thing hanging between them.”

Two cameras focused on the Hulk; two others closed in on the telephone books, interlaced page by page, dangling on chains between the two armored vehicles. Adam bounded into the latter shot, pointing at the books as he smiled. “Remember these?” 

Tony spoke up, his face plate still pulled back, seemingly unaware of the camera that suddenly focused his direction. “Telephone books - yeah, I remember this one. You and Jamie put two together page by page, and had to use something like five thousand - “

“- actually, more than _eight thousand_ pounds of force,” Jamie interjected, “before we could pull them apart, using these same vehicles, in fact. The static friction of all those pages was impressive.”

Adam smiled toward a camera, patting the two interlaced books dangling between the vehicles. “That’s a lot of horsepower on either side of this rig, pulling at full force. Think the Hulk can beat that?”

A roar in the background caused everyone to turn away from filming, and only one camera managed to catch the expression on that giant, twisted face before the creature leapt and landed almost exactly between the two armored vehicles. The ground shook, and cameras, lights, and crew tumbled. Adam, not even a foot away, fell flat on his butt, easily within arm’s reach of the Hulk, who was now eyeing the phone books skeptically.

“TEST HULK WITH BOOKS?” the creature asked, poking them with a finger, watching them sway. 

Adam shoved himself out of immediate reach before scrambling to his feet. “Not against the books themselves, but against the force that keeps them held together.” The green brow furrowed, and Adam hurried to try and explain better. “See, there’s a lot of surface area touching in those two books right now, creating a lot of static friction, and...”

Adam trailed off as Hulk’s gaze shifted from the books to himself, brow still furrowed, expression growing more irritated. “Uh, little help here?” he managed, not daring to glance away.

“Oh, for Christ’s...” Tony started, then took several clanking steps toward the rig. He waved his hands and whistled, garnering the Hulk’s attention. “Books strong. Stronger than people, strong as machines. Maybe stronger than Hulk.”

The roar that erupted was nearly deafening. “NOT STRONGER!” followed, and the Hulk stomped his feet and clenched his fists. People scurried for shelter.

“Wait a sec, Hulk, don’t...” Jamie called, heading automatically in the Hulk’s direction, and only a metal-clad hand on his shoulder kept him from closing the distance. 

“Not a good idea,” Tony stated, his face-plate closing as the Hulk stormed forward. 

“Keep rolling,” several voices called, including Adam’s, as the Hulk pull himself to full height, huffing down at the books.

“That’s it, Big Guy!” Tony hollered, voice amplified by the suit. “Show those books who’s the strongest there is!” The Hulk turned toward the sound, caught sight of red of gold, and grinned wide. 

“Close-up on that face, close-up - god, get a close-up,” Adam babbled.

Giant hands closed on the chains on either side of the suspended book, giving them a test jerk. The vehicles on either side wobbled.

“Pull, pull, pull,” Tony started, and Adam joined in when the Hulk’s grin got wider, when he wrapped each chain around his hand twice. He looked right at Adam, who gave him a fist pump and a nod as other members of the crew joined in the chant.

And then those gigantic muscles bunched and strained, and the Hulk was snarling, teeth clenched so hard his jaw shook. “Pull, pull!” the chant continued, and he did, shoulders and arms bulging. The snarl became a growl, then an open-mouthed roar as the phone books gave way, tore apart. Hulk’s arms flew wide, the books and their metal clamps carried by momentum into the back of the vehicles to which they’d been attached, embedding themselves deeply.

A second of stunned silence in which the only sound was the Hulk’s panting, and then cast and crew - and Tony - erupted in applause. Whistles, high fives, and laughter abounded. Adam ran forward, checking out the nearly foot-deep indentation the mangled phone book and its clamp left in the back of the armored vehicle, clapping his hands and pointing.

“We’re gonna need something a lot stronger,” Jamie muttered. Tony, still standing nearby, laughed and gave the man a clap on the back.

“Good luck,” Tony responded, as the Hulk shoved the tank several feet back, then proceeded to pound it into the ground as camera crew scrambled to get behind the blast wall that had been set up for just this kind of occasion. “You’re going to need it.”

*****

“Turns out,” Adam sighed, letting his shoulders drop, “that the Hulk’s huge green hide is, indeed, stronger than any bullet. And rocket - that we can get hold of, at least.”

“Let’s leave that one out of the show,” came Tony’s response, “in case General Ross is a fan.”

*****

“There are no ear plugs on this earth that can muffle a sound cannon,” Jamie shouted as he entered the workshop, “or, for that matter, the Hulk’s howl of victory when he smashes the cannon’s damage record - and then the cannon itself.”

Adam laughed so hard he fell off his stool.

*****

Hulk punched through their strongest barriers with two good swings, managed to keep a plane from taking off just by holding on and digging his feet in, and made a hole in a concrete partition as deep (if not as precise) as their best lasers.

“TOO EASY FOR HULK!” the green guy had hollered. “GIVE HULK CHALLENGE!”

And that was exactly what they’d done.

For fifteen minutes now, the Hulk had been pushing and straining to make a dent in a two-foot-thick slab of hot-rolled, high-grade steel. The Hulk had managed to pick up the slab - an impressive feat in and of itself, but slamming it against the ground had served only to leave a crater, and his fists had yet to mar the metal surface.

Now, the Hulk was walking around the long, square slab of metal, considering it, a low growl emanating from deep in his chest. Tony, still in the suit, was chuckling. “Hey, you wanted a challenge, Big Guy,” he shouted. Cameras rolled, keeping them both in their shots.

Adam was explaining to a camera nearby as the Hulk paced in the background. “That big slab of metal, which now looks like it might be a permanent part of this warehouse floor, is made of the same type of metal used to make train tracks.” 

Jamie nodded, adding, “It’s one of the strongest forms of steel we can make, and is highly resistant to impact. Factories that make tracks use extreme heat and over three thousand _tons_ of pressure, to shape this stuff.”

Adam grinned and leaned in closer to the camera, voice falling to nearly a whisper, “ _And I think it might be stronger than the Hulk_.” His eyes danced as he shoved a thumb toward the irritated creature behind him, and the camera zoomed in on a huge green face, clenched in frustration and concentration.

A fist came down on one of the edges of the metal slab, and the floor of the warehouse caved about six more inches. The steel, however, didn’t give.

Hulk beat his chest and stomped his feet, then slammed massive fists into the center of the slab, over and over, until the entire warehouse floor was bouncing and cracking. Dust and debris flew, cameras catching a few rather sizeable pieces of floor bouncing off the clear blast walls they stood behind. Only Tony, in the suit, remained on the Hulk side of those barriers.

The onslaught lasted a good twenty seconds, filling the air with concrete dust, forcing Adam and Jamie and everyone else to don masks and goggles Tony had insisted they keep on hand. When at last the pounding stopped, they could see nothing but dust and debris, their only indication that the Hulk was still there his loud panting.

Adam wiped off his goggles and peered in the direction of the sound. “Stark, hey! Still there?”

“Still here,” came the tinny reply. The suit whirred, footsteps clanked, as he moved, appearing in the haze of slowly-settling dust. A huge, slumped figure, still only a shadow, faded into sight behind him.

They all waited - for the dust to settle, for the Hulk to come into view, for the crew to spray off the surface of the metal, still unmarred. The Hulk slumped, fingers brushing against the metal, big green-white eyes forlorn as they studied the smooth surface.

“Did we do it?” Adam asked, blinking rapidly. “Holy hell, did we find something stronger than the Hulk?” He glanced over at Jamie, who remained as nonplussed as ever, and couldn’t help but punch him lightly on the arm, garnering a hint of a scowl. “Come on, don’t you feel at least a _little_ impressed with us?”

The face plate of the suit lifted to reveal Tony, smiling hard and bright, teeth showing. His eyes glinted. “Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” He looked over his shoulder at the Big Guy, who had both hands resting on the metal surface now, and grinned wider.

“Better hold onto something, gents; shit’s about to get real.” The face plate slid back into place, and Iron Man lifted off the ground toward the rafters. “Hawkeye, take the shot.”

An arrow flew from someplace high in the building, landing and adhering to the metal surface. The Hulk, surprised, looked up, found only Tony hovering above. That huge brow furrowed, an unspoken question.

“One more,” Iron Man called, and a second arrow flew and stuck. The brows moved from a furrow to a scowl, and Hulk started to lean over the slab, reaching for the arrows.

Iron Man turned in mid-air toward Adam, Jamie, and their camera. “You’ll want to catch this,” he said, then nodded as the Hulk’s fingers found the first arrow and curled around it.

Electricity erupted from both arrows, transferred through the metal into the green skin touching it, and the Hulk bucked and howled as it traveled through him, his bare feet, into the ground.

“See,” Iron Man yelled over Hulk’s howl, “there’s a reason nothing can withstand the Hulk.” He kept repulsors trained on the creature, just in case. “Because the angrier he gets -”

The explanation was drowned out by a sudden roar, louder and impossibly angrier than ever. The Big Guy’s hands curled again into fists, so tight that his body shook and huge knuckles cracked. “STUPID PUNY METAL!” he hollered, crouching, ready to leap.

“- the stronger he gets,” Iron Man finished. “And you might want to duck.”

The Hulk jumped, then, upraised fists creating a massive hole in the warehouse ceiling, raining debris down on them. Iron Man blasted away the biggest pieces, ensuring everyone was safe, as the camera crew scrambled to cover the sky, the slab, Adam watching agape, Jamie actually smiling - smiling wide.

A green dot appeared in the sky, expanding fast, the roar following. “NOTHING STRONGER THAN HULK!” they heard. And then nearly a ton of unleashed fury landed in the center of the metal slab, and the world caved inward.

When the dust settled and everything was said and done, they’d lost two cameras and one of the blast walls, and Adam was flat on his back in the rubble, laughing nearly maniacally. Jamie and Tony stood at the edge of the crater with one of the cameras, pointing out the ragged edges of the hole the Hulk had torn in the steel slab, calculating the many thousands of tons of force such devastation required.

The Hulk stood to the side, hands crossed over his massive chest, looking pleased.

Adam pulled himself together, got off the mangled floor, dusted himself off. There was a camera not a foot away from him, and he grinned toward it. “So, faithful viewers, what would you say? Busted? Plausible?”

“CONFIRM,” came the great reply, and Hulk closed the distance between himself and the camera in three floor-shuddering steps. He leaned in, ducking down, until his face took up the entire shot. “ _NOTHING_ STRONGER THAN HULK.” He leaned back, pulled up to his full height, and glowered down at Adam, who tried hard to remain still, but just couldn’t keep from bouncing and grinning and patting the Hulk’s nearest arm.

“Confirmed,” Jamie called from his place at the edge of the crater. “Definitely confirmed. Throw out the little metal sign, play the music, and let’s get out of here before Adam finds a way to piss him off again.”

“Hey!” Adam called, picking his way across the rubble toward Jamie. “Surely you’re not holding me responsible for -”

“- I’m holding you responsible for this entire episode,” Jamie responded, turning away, heading toward the door. The two bickered their way out of the structure as the crew picked up what remained and trickled out until Iron Man and the Hulk were alone.

“So what do you think of the spotlight, Big Guy?” Tony asked as the Hulk drooped a little finally, slumping into a sitting position. 

A dark figure slid down a rope from the rafters, moving to close doors and check for cameras, bow slung on his back. “Looked great from above,” he called, once the last door had been shut and bolted. 

Hulk looked up toward Barton as he stepped toward them, shaking his head. “LOOK NOT MATTER.” He blinked slowly, eyes not wanting to stay open. “SMASHING MATTER.”

Tony patted a great green shoulder just as it started to give and shrink, smiling as Clint opened a previously-hidden cooler, pulled out three beers, popped them open. “In that, Jade Jaws, you’re the champ,” Clint responded, passing a beer to Tony.

When a small human hand finally appeared, Clint pressed the other beer into it, smiled at the blinking, beleaguered man that took it. “It was okay?” Banner asked, looking from the beer to Tony to Clint, eyes avoiding the crater behind them.

Tony clinked his bottle on Bruce’s. “Pretty much perfect,” he answered, mirroring Bruce’s faint smile with one of his own. “The Big Guy proved his point.”

“And we proved ours,” Barton added, clinking his bottle against the others.

Bruce chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Well, then, if the job’s a good one...” He raised the bottle, took a long drag, wiped his mouth. “Let’s go home.”

*****

Jamie heard the thrusters, felt the rush of air, saw the streak emerge from the building to cross the sky. “May as well keep the bottle corked,” he said to Adam, who was busy preparing a bottle of champagne.

Adam looked up, following Jamie’s pointed finger into the sky. “Damn.” He let the bottle fall back into the bucket, shoulder slumping. “Think they’ll come back?”

“Do we want them to?” Jamie returned, then moved to the bottle himself. “On second thought...”

The cork popped, and then a couple of others, and soon each member of cast and crew had a glass in hand. Jamie raised his, and everyone followed suit. 

“To superheroes, and all they have to teach us.” 

Everyone drank, watching, as the spot in the sky faded and disappeared.

When it was gone, Adam grinned and turned to Jamie. “So, who should we try next? Spiderman? Myths abound about whether he can stick to any surface, how his web material is created...” He trailed off as Jamie glowered, as they crew separated and started getting into vans to head back to the city.

“Oooh, or maybe Thor? Word is he’s not actually human, but that’s just gossip at this point. Or, oh - Daredevil. He’d be perfect, since stories say he’s able to use radar like...”

Clint watched from his perch not so far away until the voices faded, until the last car left. He marked the warehouse’s location for SHIELD to clean up later, closed and locked the door. His comm crackled to life, and he listened for a moment as he checked all the entrances, waited for his ride.

“Yes, sir,” he said aloud, watching as the quinjet landed. “We’ve got our agents ready in post-production, and the show should reveal exactly what we planned. Phase 1 should be complete and on the air before fall.” He walked onto the jet as the back opened, taking the hand proffered, shaking it once.

“Excellent,” came the response over his communicator. “Rest up, agent. Phase 2 starts sooner than you think.”


End file.
